Five tips to boost your relationship

One of the thing I like most about my work as a life coach, is the weekends that I go away with couples for relationship counselling. Don’t get me wrong, I am not so cruel that I enjoy other peoples struggles. Those weekends are so insightful for couples that it gives me great fulfilment. After three days, couples leave in a very different vibe. Of course even with a new view of the loops of thoughts, feelings and behaviour, not everything is solved in just a few days. Couples though get a real boost; a new point from where they can continue to work on their relationship.

From this experience and my observations during these weekends for relationship counselling, I’ll share with you 5 tips to boost your relationship. Also insightful when you don’t have big struggles with your spouse, but want to be aware to keep a healthy relationship.

1) Break your daily routine and spend quality time

During those weekends away couples find time and space to get out of their daily routine. It is often the normal routines that takes special time and attention away from each other (work, kids, house hold, family responsibilities, social gatherings, etc.) You roll on, life is alright and before you know you are caught up in habits that makes both your life and relationship miserable. During the weekends of relationship counselling, it helps of course to have company of a third party that guides the conversations and reflections. But any quality time spent together you can use to take time to reflect on your relationship. And it’s good to do so before you get stuck, so everything keeps going smooth!

• Don’t take your relationship or marriage for granted
• Spoil your spouse from time to time
• Celebrate and spend time consciously to remember special moments

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2) Don’t always push your view or opinion forward

We often speak our mind, every individual has his/her own views and personal leadership. In every relationship views might clash from time to time. It is a risky habit to always want to be right: it undermines your spouse and breaks her/his self-confidence. You can avoid stupid and unimportant fights by knowing what is most important for you and to stand up for those views. Not every little thing is worth fighting for. Also, you will show your respect for one other by giving each other a gap now and then.

• Think first before you speak your opinion
• Let things go if they are not important to fight for
• Ask a questions before you reply to see if you understand the other correctly

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3) Speak your wishes instead of making accusations

To address something that bugs you, you want to be constructive so the situation can change or can be adapted. By demanding, nagging or accusing the other it is more likely the conversation turns into a fight. Don’t repeat the problem over and over. It will make your spouse feel helpless and maybe even angry because he/she can get the feeling you are pointing a finger. Rather try to speak from the view how you wish the situation to be, make eye contact and be open for a response. Make sure you are direct and concrete about the topic, it will be difficult to understanding each other when you speak vaguely.

• Choose your words carefully and speak from your wishes
• Don’t answer accusations with accusations
• Be aware of your tone and body language when you address something

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4) Make genuine excuses if you are wrong

In any relationships, everybody can do something that hurts the other, by mistake or knowingly. This might be small or bigger things. A genuine excuse will help to relax the relationship again. When you admit to be wrong and apologize, you take responsibility for your mistake. Your spouse will feel acknowledged for being hurt and will be able to relax and hopefully let go of the issue. Please know that for big things, like cheating or adultery, there is more needed then just a genuine excuse.

• When you apologize make sure you show you are sorry so it’s not just words that sound good
• Also apologize when it was not your intention to hurt the other, put your pride aside.

♥ ♥ ♥

5) Make your spouse feel she/he is special

In a relationship, we sometimes behave as if we don’t need the other person and we are very capable of taking care of ourselves. This attitude of independence and strength might also be a front preventing ourselves to get hurt (by the other). It doesn’t matter if you are together for a year or 15 years, make your spouse feel that he/she is the most special person in the world and that you need him/her. Of course there is a balance; I don’t mean that you are incompetent or incomplete without the other. But a curtain surrender makes your spouse feel he/she is an important part of your life.

• Make your spouse feel sexy, happy, vulnerable and strong
• Be supportive for each other so the other can grow as an individual
• Complement each other on skills, talents and characteristics that you love

♥ ♥ ♥

If you are already doing these things, keep doing them! If you find these tips useful, please let us know in a comment below.

If you have a question or specific situation that you like help with, please e-mail me and I’ll reply to you personally (non-committal): floor@feelathomeabroad.com.